Friday, May 9, 2014


So! This past Wednesday, after ignoring me for three weeks, my wife/ex (and no, not ex wife) brought me my two tackle boxes (but not my fishing rod) and three empty Lego boxes.

I've been trying to get my junk from her house for almost a year now. It's really not much. Maybe more than I need for a one bedroom apartment. But I'll make it work somehow. I always do.

Something she said, when I brought up the fact that she's been ignoring me for three weeks now, has been bothering me. She told me that she's been busy and I can't control her any more. There are so many things wrong with that statement.
 1) I honestly do not feel I ever consciously tried to control her. I thought I had been trying to help her be more outgoing, independent, assertive, and stop being a door mat.
 2) If I had the ability to control her...? I can guarantee these last thirteen years would have gone a whole heck of a lot better for me.
 3) Responding to a text takes, literally, seconds. She used to sit with me while we would watch TV and she could carry on conversations with five different people through instant messenger and still know exactly what was going on on the program. So, busy is not an issue.
 4) Responding to a text, since this is the only way she wants to communicate with me, is just common courtesy. (Ironically, I learned that from Cat.)

She has all of these things pent up inside her causing her so much anger and resentment. And most of these things are based on misunderstandings or on something stupid that I said when I was angry. I wish so much that we would have talked more. I think it would do her good (well, both of us, really) for us to go to couples counselling just so she can get this stuff off her chest and maybe try to resolve some issues that may or may not haunt her for years to come. It would give her a chance to make all of those accusations to my face instead of avoiding the issues and letting it fester. And I don't mean "I want a chance to face my accuser and tell her she's wrong." I just want to give her closure.

After I made my failed suicide attempt last August, and I sat in a mental ward for a week, I had an epiphany and a lot of things in my life fell into place. I've been able to find peace in a lot of ways. I'm not saying I'm cured because I know I still have a long journey ahead of me.

Things I still need from the house:
Grandfather's last trophy antlers Yes
Grandmother's mother's recipe book Yes
Grandmother's blanket Yes
My old tool box (mine before we met) Yes
My bicycle (mine before we met) Yes
Mugs (Given to me by family members) Yes (Except the ones she made me sell in a garage sale a couple of years back.)
little green plate (was my mother's) sadly, no
Indian blankets (I had before we met) Yes
crocheted pillows (made by my mom) Yes
Knick-knacks from white shelf in spare room (from various family members) Yes
some of the candles (just the ones I had before we met) Yes (She actually gave them all to me.)
keepsake boot box (mine since I was a kid) Yes
Toys from Houston (mine from childhood) Yes
Green metal toolbox (Grandmother) with sewing materials inside Yes
Straight razor (Mother) Yes
the freezable insert for the dark grey sports bottle that she's already given me Yes
Actual Legos (at least the ones that were mine before we met) Yes (I got them all! Score!)
Camping gear: Blue cook pot with lid, various flatware, blue bowls, green little playmate Yes

A Few Things We Can Decide On Later:
The chest (The reason I questioned her decision to buy it was because I didn't think we had money to spare at the time.) mine now
The toy box (the one that was left in the basement that is now up in the spare room) mine now
And maybe some Pyrex bowls? Nope!
Hammer? mine
Any of the tools her father gave me? Absolutely not
Raft (I think there were oars with it too) mine now
Fishing Pole mine now
Power drill and drill bits mine
Tape measure mine
Level mine
The air pump (not the bicycle pump) mine (got the bike pump too but it just needed to be thrown out.)
another set of full sized sheets mine
another king sized pillow case mine (I actually ended up with most of the sheets and pillowcases)